A Simple Man

Sexy

I don’t have body issues and I can convince myself (more these days) that people can find me attractive however I can’t believe anybody finds me sexy.

I’ve tried. Oh I’ve tried but I must be doing something wrong because women be laughing at me and my attempts. They all say it seems cheesy and contrived so I can understand despite the sting.

Act natural and normal. That’s sexy. They say this.
Maybe it’s supposed to mean I’m sexy with my actions more than words or appearance.

I’m sexy when I’m kissing you?
I’m sexy when I’m going down on you?
I’m sexy when our bodies press against each other with the end of each thrust?

I mentioned appearance.
I can feel like a lady killer when I’m wearing a suit or my tux.
Keep repeating the line “So fresh and so clean, clean” while I brush my shoulders.
Speedos?
Consensus from every girl on the subject is they’re laughable as well.
If anything I can see that they could only be sexy by the amount of man they allow to be uncovered. Wash rack abs and chiseled biceps. Hair or no hair, depends on who’s looking.

That funny desire you get sometimes to see how the other gender lives?
I get it mostly to see how being “sexy” would feel like.
Because I can only understand how women are sexy.

It’s dumb. Probably sexist. I’m no expert on the subject.
At the end of the day I’m a slob.

What does everybody else think?

eddietheyeti:

erikamoen:

bzedan:

touchwieners:

I Hate My Job (Official Music Video)

Alright, so you watch this, right? And then imagine the first (and second and third) time I watched it, and imagine me popping, like, TEN THOUSAND LADY-BONERS. Because that is what happened.

You know why I love this (besides the obvs)? They’re referencing trad femme things and having fun with it, instead of making fun of trad femme things, like the “Men-Ups” calendar that came out last year. A definite difference, where you’re not mocking body movements and clothing of icky ladies, but using the language to say something—and to recognise that these things are sexy, no matter your presentation.

Oh dang, reblogging for bzedan’s commentary!

Also, you guys, I have been keeping my other Tumblr, Touch Wieners, pretty well updated lately! Just in case, y’know, you’re into that kinda thing. (That thing being wieners touching)

Eddie told me to watch this but he didn’t tell me to not go to touch wieners.
I went to touch wieners. I saw them touch.
I can’t go back